Feeling respected is a fundamental human need. Respect is something we immediately perceive when interacting with others. It springs from our feeling of and need for safety and trust. Our senses pick up on and process multiple signals to let us know when we’re being respected (we feel safe) or disrespected (we feel unsafe).
We hear how someone speaks to us—the specific words and how they’re intonated and pitched. Are they listening to or interrupting us? We analyze their body posture and position—are they turned away from us, and are their arms folded? What is their facial expression? Is it communicating interest, kindness, and helpfulness? Or frustration, condescension, and disgust? The brain processes all these signals in seconds and communicates to the body to relax or quicken reflexes.
We need to be respected for many reasons, encompassing ethical, social, and psychological dimensions:
Inherent Dignity: Every human being possesses intrinsic worth and dignity. Respecting this dignity acknowledges each person's inherent value. Said differently, it’s just the right way to treat people.
Moral and Ethical Considerations: Respecting others is a fundamental ethical principle across cultures and religions. For example, some cultures consider humiliating and embarrassing another (causing a person to lose face) to be one of the worst things we can do to each other.
Social Harmony: Respect is essential for social cohesion and harmony. It helps to build trust, reduce conflict, and create a sense of community. In an organization, respect is crucial for encouraging employees to speak up without fear of retaliation, offer their ideas, take on challenging projects, and more. As the workforce continues to diversify, having an environment where everyone feels empowered to work together for the greater good becomes table stakes for an organization’s success.
Psychological Well-being: Being respected contributes significantly to an individual's self-esteem and mental health. It affirms their identity and fosters a sense of belonging. Employees should use their mental energies to achieve their goals and work on interesting projects, not fretting over their standing in the organization.
Encourages Diversity and Inclusion: Respecting people regardless of background promotes diversity and inclusion. This also includes respecting their diversity of ideas, opinions, and perspectives. Being empathic ensures that everyone is given a chance to voice their thoughts. Some folks may need gentle prodding, especially if they feel that their status or background means their ideas will not be taken seriously. Open the floor for all ideas.
As human beings, we intuitively understand the need to give and receive respect. However, it doesn’t always happen. Why? People may struggle to show respect to others for various reasons, often rooted in personal, social, or cultural factors. Here are five reasons to help understand the root causes:
Bias and Prejudice: Deep-seated biases, whether based on race, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, or other factors, can prevent people from seeing others as equals, leading to disrespectful behavior.
Lack of Empathy: Some individuals struggle to understand or care about the feelings and perspectives of others, which can result in dismissive or inconsiderate behavior. This is frequently learned by how a person was raised - did their parents treat their children with love and respect, or not?
Insecurity and Ego: When people feel insecure or threatened, they may belittle or undermine others to feel superior or to protect their self-esteem. Examples include when different socio-economic classes mix or in competitive situations like work promotion, sports, or academics.
Cultural or Social Conditioning: In some environments, people may be raised or socialized to believe that certain groups or individuals are less deserving of respect, which can perpetuate disrespectful attitudes and actions. For example, Mid-Atlantic and New England natives may dismiss Southerners as ignorant and racist.
Poor Communication Skills: Our inability to express thoughts and emotions clearly can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and disrespectful exchanges, especially in conflict situations.
Each of these can be addressed and mitigated as we build our capacity for awareness and understanding through education, self-reflection, therapeutic counseling, and if needed, disciplinary action in organizational settings. However, when confronted with disrespectful people, perhaps the best response is to disengage and maintain our boundaries, self-respect, and dignity.
In essence, respect is essential for recognizing and promoting each individual's value, maintaining social order, promoting well-being, and fostering a just, inclusive, and effectual environment. Let’s ensure we do our part to promote respect in all aspects of our lives—home, work, everywhere.
Fellow civility authors Jay Remer and Michael Benedict are co-writing a new book that addresses personal barriers to achieving a civil life while outlining helpful solutions anyone can implement. This post is the fifth in a series of weekly, solutions-based articles.
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Michael Benedict published his first book, The Civil Society Playbook: A Commonsense Plan for a Return to Civility, in 2024. His career spans 25+ years in senior-level marketing positions at Fortune 1000 companies, tech startups, and marketing consultancies. His book covers areas of incivility that are not frequently discussed in the media. It offers solutions - actions - that anyone, regardless of age, can implement to improve civility in all aspects of society. He can be reached at michaelbbenedict@gmail.com. The book is available on Amazon, Apple Books, and Audible.
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