In business, there is an unspoken rule that when one party provides value to another gratis, the favor will be returned sometime in the future, even if it’s just a drink (usually the preferred payback method). However, reciprocity in business can present some unforeseen challenges and has a lesser-considered civility component.
Lack of Clear Expectations—The terms of an arrangement may be assumed rather than understood, with one finding themselves unable to give back due to an unstated yet expected level of reciprocity. This can lead to an uncomfortable situation for the receiving party. Setting transparent expectations before engaging will mitigate these challenges.
Misunderstanding of Intentions—Someone may help you out just out of the goodness of their heart, with no expectation of equivalence. It is wise to communicate the intent behind the help in advance and that the favor doesn’t need to be returned. For example, a CEO I know offered to look at a course curriculum I was developing. He provided terrific feedback, and I offered to return the favor. He replied, “No worries - no one is keeping score.” At a minimum, the recipient should thank the individual who helped them.
Legal and Compliance Issues—Quid pro quo or bribery may not align with laws or organizational rules. A friend shared that, as a government employee, he cannot accept even a cup of coffee from a contractor, even when the gesture is genuine. Be aware of how favors could be perceived and their potential violation of organization and other external rules.
Another dimension of reciprocity is considering the other person’s capacity to return the favor - this is the civility component. Business reciprocity doesn’t exist in a vacuum and requires empathy for the initial recipient. For example, someone’s personal life may represent a very one-sided reciprocity dynamic that prevents them from offering help to their colleagues. Writer and editor Naomi Mauer of The Jewish Press, in her 13 Sept. 2024 article Do We Teach People How to Treat Us, wrote about “well spouses” (caretakers):
“If we give a person the message that they can always “take” and are never expected to “give” it is my opinion that we are creating a monster that will always be looking to have their needs met by others, and the words “thank you,” or a show of appreciation never seems to exist in their psyche.”
As our population ages, these situations will become more prevalent, with more working-age people caring for their parents. It is not always possible to understand another’s situation, yet we must realize that reciprocity, even in business, can be impacted by personal factors beyond the business environment.
Fellow civility authors Jay Remer and Michael Benedict are co-writing a new book that addresses personal barriers to achieving a civil life while outlining helpful solutions anyone can implement. This post is the ninth in a series of weekly, solutions-based articles.
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