"The dinner table is a sacred place. A space where the family gathers, stories are told, and laughter is shared. Interruptions only steal moments that can never be regained."
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Growing up in a medical family has its challenges. My father’s medical practice was about 40 miles southeast of our home. Dad had a considerable practice—this was back in the 1970s and 1980s when he would see dozens of patients a day, then start his hospital rounds later in the evening, which would take several hours. It was common for us to eat dinner when he finally arrived home at about 10:00 p.m.
During Dad’s hectic weeks, Mom and I would drive down to the city's south side to have dinner with Dad. An excellent restaurant to meet at was The Cattleman. It had terrific steaks and, this being San Antonio, also served Tex-Mex food. I enjoyed the rides to see Dad and, as a teenager, didn’t mind having a lot of great food to eat. We would share what happened at school and the office at dinner. Or, I should say we attempted to have a conversation.
Image Credit: San Antonio Express-News
San Antonio is the nation’s seventh largest city, population-wise. Yet, in many ways, it has a small-town feel. This is especially true if you are a local physician. An ongoing scenario at The Cattleman looked like this - a patient would see my dad and stop by the table to say hi and chat. Then, another patient would stop by, and so on. These interactions were not quick pleasantries. Nothing of the sort. They were dialogues that continued even after the waitress had put our food on the table. The patients were not fazed and would continue talking while we watched our food cool. My father’s diplomatic skills were second to none, and he would put forth his best face and speak with the patient while showing great interest in whatever they were saying.
As a teenage boy with limited filtering, I wanted to say things to his patients that, through nothing short of Divine Intervention, I did not say and cannot share here. However, in the politest iteration, I would have liked to have said, “I am hungry. Mom and I have not seen Dad since last night, and I have homework. Dad has 30 patients he still needs to visit tonight. Please kindly move along.”
An essential component of civility is being able to read a situation. Most people have enough common sense that when you see someone eating, you shorten whatever conversation is to be had. Being polite and concise is always a good default. This is especially true when a child or teenager is present. I often left that restaurant feeling bitter. On the drive home, I would complain to my mother, who felt similarly.
So, who, in your opinion, is responsible for this frustrating situation?
On the surface, the patients interrupting the family dinner appear to be at fault. Perhaps. However, all parties must hold themselves accountable to achieve a positive outcome for all. I will explain each person’s role in attaining civility.
From the patient’s perspective, they could have been more mindful of our family’s time, used empathy, and asked themselves if they wanted to watch their food go cold while someone droned on.
From my parents' perspective, my father could have told the patient that his time to have dinner with his family was limited. Politely, of course, with a “let’s catch up soon” phrase to let the patient know he was not being dismissive. My mother could have intervened with a “Jim, Mike has a test tomorrow” to hasten the conversation's end.
As I learned many years later, my father loved these interactions—yes, part of it was ego. Who doesn’t love being the center of attention? However, a more important part was that my dad was building his medical practice and name. Every patient interaction counted. He learned it from his father, who was a highly skilled salesman and businessman.
For my part, I could have expressed my frustration to my father, who could have taught me that those interactions were critical in establishing personal and business relationships. As an adult, I find myself acting similarly to my father. I now understand the interactions' purpose: cold food be dammed. However, I must remind myself to be mindful of those around me.
Think about this situation the next time you are caught in trying circumstances. The problems, causes, solutions, and learnings may be more nuanced. It took me many years to figure it out.
What are your thoughts or experiences on respecting others' time? What are your ideas/suggestions? Please share in the comments below.
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